Love Letter To Scotland-Copyright from forthcoming collection by Sherri Rosen
Love Letter To Scotland 8/2007-From a collection by Sherri Rosen
He began calling her everyday from Scotland. Once she heard his voice she couldn’t get enough. The first time she spoke to him she was working at home writing up a press release for one of her authors. She forgot all about work. He emailed her the day before from an online dating site saying that he was coming over from Scotland to NYC in 2 months and would she consent to meet him. Sure she would meet him, no problem. They would sometimes speak 2 to 3 times a day. They had so much fun talking together. He directed a children’s theatre company in Scotland. This was his passion. He loved his kids. Hated to tell them when they didn’t get a part in an audition. If they were new to the theatre company he would say “I have one of the older students mentor them until they feel comfortable. “Oh, I hate for these kids to feel bad. I want to give them a good experience. For some, it’s all they have.†Her heart opened wider and wider each time he spoke to her about the children. She thought he would treat her the same way.
She would often say to him “say my name.†He would say “Sarah†in his Scottish brogue and she would melt. He would say to her “say my name†and she would lovingly say “Martin.†That was all they needed in the moment. “I can’t wait to see you Sarah. I can’t wait to meet you in person. We will have so much fun in NYC together.†She agreed and said “this is magic connecting with you. You’re an old soul that I have known from past lifetimes.†Sometimes he would call her on the weekend at 4am his time and 11pm her time. His speech was kind of lazy and slow, and when he would speak it felt like he was making love to her. Sometimes he would leave a v/m saying “it’s only me calling to say hi.†She would say to herself “it’s only me! Does he have any idea how happy he makes me feel?†One day she was sitting on her sofa with one of her female friends, and she said “you have to hear Martin’s voice, it’s so sexy and that Scottish brogue is to die for.†Her friend said “ I’m so turned on by Craig Ferguson,†a Scotsman on late night TV, so her friend was more than willing to hear the v/m message. Sarah held her breath as she dialed her phone for messages and she gave the phone to her friend to hear Martin’s voice. Her friend took the phone, listened and smiled and said “you’re right. He sounds so sexy. What a great voice. His voice sounds so deep and rich, combined with his Scottish Brogue. Wow!†Sarah took a breath and was so relieved. She had been involved in online dating for 6 years, and from past experience learned that long distance relationships didn’t work for her. When Martin contacted her he said “Sarah, I’m thinking of moving to NYC. One of my students got accepted to the Actors Studio in NYC and I have visited her a few times and I love NYC. I would rather be alone in NYC then Scotland. “All of my friends are either attached or married.†He was trying to breakout of that lifestyle and really didn’t want to get married. She had also told him “I have no interest in getting married eitherâ€, but after 2 months of speaking to him. she had fallen in love with him, and now was unsure about everything. Many times she wanted to jump through the phone so he could make love to her.. On one phone call, Martin spoke of what was in Sarah’s heart. Martin said “I don’t understand why people have to keep running to go away all the time because there is so much beauty in front of them. Especially where I live.†When Sarah heard Martin say that she totally melted. It was exactly how she felt. How did he know. She rarely heard a man speak like this. He made her feel like a line from the song, Suzanne, “he touched my perfect body with his mind.â€
She and he were both lonely. They felt so lucky. “I’ve never felt like this before†he kept saying to her. “This is so much more serious than I thought it would be.†He spoke with amazement in his voice and she would keep saying “this is magic, utterly magical.†If he didn’t call her, she would call
him. She didn’t care. She wasn’t going to allow this opportunity to pass her by. She was in love with him. She told Martin “I’ve gone out on so many dates that turned out to be so disappointing. Guys that said they were one age, and then when I would meet them, they either didn’t look like their photo or they were so much older than they said, or I just couldn’t talk to them and/or wasn’t attracted them.â€
Sarah had been married twice, had raised 4 boys, and had been with many men, and her last relationship had been with a wonderful man that had lasted 5 years, but the man had been tied to his mother and Sarah walked away. Sarah said to Martin, “have you ever been in relationship? Martin said, “yes, I was in two long term relationships.†That’s all Sarah wanted to hear.
If she could only hear his voice right now. Right at this moment. Now, all he would do was call and hang-up. Wouldn’t talk. What makes a man love speaking to you, and then end up calling and hanging up? She was so saddened by it all. He had wanted her so bad, really bad. She felt the same way, but she hadn’t changed her feelings. “When did he change? Sarah said. When did he stop wanting to be with me? How did it all happen?†But now he would just call and hang-up. When things were good between them she would see sometimes on her caller ID, that he had called ll times until he reached her.. Oh, she missed him so. She had been so ready for him. All the time he kept saying to her “this has never happened to me before†she realized that it had never happened to her before. She realized it after it failed.
“Perhaps he was preparing me on the phone†she said to herself . She remembered the time he said “ you’re so gorgeous, you will be so disappointed when you see me. My skin is chalk white from the lousy weather in Scotland,†but Sarah thought he was being humorous, because he had a wonderful sense of humor.
His first night in he came directly to her apartment on the 25th floor. When she first saw him, Sarah was taken by surprise by his physical disability. Martin had no neck. Sarah hesitated for that moment when she first saw him, and said to herself “does it change your feelings for him?†She answered “no to herself.†I could care less.†She opened up her arms and he walked right in and they kissed. They walked hugging one another into her apartment. She showed him around; it was so difficult containing all of the powerful feelings she had for him. They sat on her sofa. He was exhausted being up for 24 hours. She pulled herself towards him and rested on his chest. She wanted to make it easy for him. She soulfully kissed him, their tongues entwined around one another. His arms wrapped around her, and hers wrapped around him. They touched each other’s body. Her skin felt like satin with his touch. It was great being together for the first time.
He hadn’t eaten in many hours, and Sarah knew he wanted to go over to Battery Park City to a wonderful restaurant on the water she had told him about. They both loved water. He was surrounded by it living in Scotland, and worked on a ferry when he was growing up. She had grown up in New England, on the water. The water was her lover to contemplate, write or just hangout with. They walked hand in hand towards Ground Zero to get to the restaurant. He had originally told her on the phone “I haven’t gone to Ground Zero because I hate to see them sell souvenirs of the WTC.†Sarah said “we can walk down another street.†But he said he didn’t mind. It was a lovely evening, holding hands, getting used to one another, walking, and sitting and snuggling on a bench looking at the water. So often she had been there alone. It felt so good to be with him. Sarah loved holding hands with Martin.
Sarah knew the relationship was falling apart by the 3rd day. It was a Sunday evening and they had been together earlier in the day and as he was leaving he said to her “I will call you tonightâ€, but he never did. She called him that evening. Earlier, Martin said to Sarah “I have to be with my theatre student, because she’s in a play and needs someone to direct her and the other actors and she asked me to direct her and I said yes.†When he told Sarah she replied “why are you pushing me away. I want to spend time with you?†Sarah’s jealousy and yearning to be with him was made known to him. He didn’t like that. Oh how she wanted to hear him say “don’t worry about it, we will work it out. Remember we will be going to theatre together, walking over the Brooklyn Bridge, going fishing. We will have lots of time together. Don’t you worry about it.†But he never did. He just got angry and said “I came here for a vacation, not to be stressed out.â€
Sarah couldn’t hold back the tears while she spoke to him. She knew if either one continued the conversation she would never see him again. “Oh, she said to herself,†if only he had spoken to me gently, if only he had said “Sarah we will work it out. I want to be with you as much as you want to be with me.†Sarah had made a prior commitment to herself before Martin came to town, saying “I’m going the whole way with this relationship no matter what happens. I’m not going to run away.†What Sarah was unaware of was that no matter how much she wanted to speak to Martin to see what was wrong, he would remain silent. “He never once seemed to care about me like he did on the phone†Sarah said to herself. “The only time I felt Martin cared about me in NYC was the first time he came to my place and we went to dinner.â€
While speaking to Martin over the past 2 months, Sarah was unaware of an amazing transformation that was happening to her, but realized it when Martin began running away. Sarah said surprisingly to herself “I ‘ve never treated a man so kindly and so gently, so lovingingly under adverse circumstances until Martin. I ‘ve never accepted anyone so completely.†Something told her even when he got so angry that she must be kind and gentle to him. Although Sarah knew he needed much love and kindness she said to herself “ I also want that kindness. I want that love. I thought he would love me like his kids.†He doesn’t say any of the things to me he said on the phone. Where did he go? Where is that man on the phone?â€
Sarah realized she was no longer in search of relationship. When the time was right it would come to her, willingly, without fear, and with someone who would love her unconditionally. In the meantime, she so appreciated her life and would be open to any delicious lovers that would come along. She would never give up on love and she also knew that she would always love Martin.
The day after Martin left NYC, without saying good-bye, Sarah walked into City Hall Park to contemplate. As she was walking in, she heard the sounds of Scottish bagpipes playing “Amazing Grace.†She sat down on the bench totally blown away.
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