Phone: (917) 699-1284

Everyone loses the blame game by Sherri Rosen

Everyone Loses the Blame Game

Whether it is business, dealing with the in-laws, or your love life, at some point we are faced with that tight-lipped monster Blame. Sometimes it is good to name a problem, where it started, who is guilty, etc. Acknowledging what’s happened is the first step to healing and making things right. Denial won’t get anyone anywhere. But more often than not, blame is not healthy. After all, we are not in relationships to blame people, but to love them.

Do we know what it is like to take responsibility for our actions? Do we own up to our mistakes? Or do we find a scapegoat? Is blame our release valve when the pressure builds up?

Many years ago, I was in what I thought was a beautiful relationship. One day I jokingly said to my partner, “The only reason you want to be in this relationship with me is so you can have someone to blame.” But the thing is, deep down, I wasn’t joking. I meant it. I had grown weary of the accusing finger, the slanted eyes, the shifting of responsibility. Where was the grace? Where was the love? And the thing is, the blame game had rubbed off on me. I was beginning to blame others as well.

Constructive, loving criticism can be healthy and necessary. It can be healing. But the last thing anyone wants in their face is blame. It isn’t helpful. It only makes us want to lash out, play defensive, build walls. When we feel exposed, assaulted, or attacked, we want to insulate. Hedges are built, shelters erected. We defend and screen and guard, rather than open up and come clean. Blame only confuses and hurts.

And so lately I’ve been wondering if while it is important for us to hold one another accountable, to be responsible for our actions, maybe it is rarely a good idea to condemn someone. It’s only an idea. But maybe a helpful one. The years teach us that we should be slow to accuse others, hesitant to point the finger at someone. It’s only to easy to incriminate others, to make them feel guilty, to assign fault, to be downright nasty.

But how much more beautiful and good it is to absolve, to love, to forgive and forget. It’s never too late to strive for loving others better, faults and all. With our children, our spouses, our sweethearts, our clients—people are just that: people. We make mistakes. We’ll really screw up sometimes. But that’s why we need forgiveness and honesty. Not blame. Everyone loses the blame game.

Redhead's Rap, NYC  Sherri Rosen Publicity Intl, NYC

Redhead’s Rap, NYC
Sherri Rosen Publicity Intl, NYC

Bookmark and Share

Tags: , , , ,

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013 at 11:23 am and is filed under Clients, Friends and Colleagues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “Everyone loses the blame game by Sherri Rosen”

  1. Karen Says:

    That is a profound piece of advice. I like it.

Leave a Reply




  • Google Plus Link
  • Twitter Link