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I No Longer Manipulate to Get What I Want by Sherri Rosen

Many many years ago, when I was growing up, I would see folks in my family get what they wanted by manipulating others and not being genuine.

The meaning of manipulation is to manage skillfully, especially in an unfair manner.

When I went out into the world I would see others manipulate one another to get what they wanted and so I, thinking that was how I wanted to be,
preceded to do the same thing. Again when I say manipulate I am talking about not being real with myself or others. I am talking about plotting,
not being honest, setting up an unreal person, who was not behaving in a way of who I wanted to be.

The telltale signs for me that it wasn’t working for me with manipulation is that I consistently felt so uncomfortable in my body. I was overexerting myself
in order to please, and I had no idea that I was feeling all of this resentment towards myself for not being genuine.

Let me give you an example of a personal experience of being manipulated: A female associate wanted to fix me up with a man she thought I would
hit it off with. She told me that she had met him in church and that he had asked her out to lunch after church and she went. I asked her if she told
him about me, and she said “no, I wanted to see what he was like with me, and to see if he was the right type for you.” I said “didn’t you tell him
you were married?” She said “no.” I said “do we a favor I have no problem finding my own dates.”

I truly felt yuck when she laid that bit of bullshit on me. It truly disgusted me and I guess she thought I would buy into it, but I didn’t.

Another example of manipulating is me doing something for a guy that I really didn’t want to do. Like building him up, complimenting him,
and deep inside feeling this huge disrespect for him and myself. Yuck!!! And if the same thing is done to me. Having a client or some man
or woman be extra nice and polite to me, not because it was genuine, but they wanted something in return, be it my business or my body,
that is also Yuck! And I can feel it!!!

I began to change all of that when I lived at the Buddhist Retreat Center. I did a lot of meditation while living up there for 2 years and a lot
of healing work and I began to see the layer of veils that were dropping off and beginning to see the real me. I was beginning to tell the truth,
at the risk of not being liked, or not getting what I wanted. It took courage but I began feeling so much better about myself.

I took that wisdom when I went back to NYC and began my own publicity business. I began to feel that if I did not like someone or their book I could
not honestly work with them. I was becoming discerning. It was my own business and I could pick and choose who I wanted to work with. I didn’t just
have to work with anyone. I chose to work with folks who I respected and who respected me and who I could be honest with and who trusted me.

I began to let go of expectations. Meaning if I did something for someone, I did it because I wanted to not because I expected anything in return. Now,
that really takes courage. Believe me. I had grown up in a culture of if you give to me I will give to you, and if you don’t give me what i want, then I
don’t give you what you want. As I am writing this I am making faces because it was so painful with the expectations. The relationships I had in the
past were like business deals.

Sometimes people are shocked by me because I give to them without expecting anything in return. But for me, personally, it’s liberating and if
that person can accept me for who i am and begin to realize that they don’t have to be polite with me in order to get what they want, that they
have the opportunity to be real with me, then it becomes a win win situation. I am not saying it’s easy, but it definitely is real and magic
can be created in the realness.

It's me, the author :)

It’s me, the author 🙂

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 8th, 2014 at 4:37 pm and is filed under Clients, Friends and Colleagues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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