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“Say Something: I’m Giving Up On You” by Sherri Rosen

The Song: Say Something I’m Giving Up On You

I connected with this song when it came out about a month ago. How many times I’ve been in relationships where we could not
communicate with one another. Communication, one of the most important things to have in relationship with a friend, lover, client, child et al.
Loving someone is important, but if the communication ain’t happening, the relationship will probably not go anywhere.

How many times have I said to myself “Say Something-I’m Giving Up On You.” How many times have you said that to yourself? It’s different for
me with my kids. That’s forever and if we cannot communicate I’ve got to find some way to communicate even it’s by just leaving them
alone and letting them live their own life, which is saying a lot! With a lover, if each or one becomes defended and immediately thinks they are being
blamed or he begins blaming me, how far is that going to go? Not too far. And sometimes 2 people, even loving one another are just going into
2 different directions. When I met my ex- husband, Arnie, we fell madly in love with one another, broke-up, got back together and married
for l2 years. We both grew up in New England, had so much in common, and in our 20’s moved excitedly to the big city of New York. And when we lived in NYC,
I began to see that our value system was changing. He didn’t believe telling the truth was a big deal, used his charm to get what he wanted (not that using your charm is bad), but when the charm is used only to use someone that can be bad news,
and he didn’t feel spending quality time with his children was of great importance. With me, I began to realize how honesty was so important to me, coming from a family
that never spoke the truth and quivered when I would speak the truth. I realized the importance of keeping my word especially to my children. who were my life, and
I began to realize I wanted to be in a relationship where if with a lover, husband- I wanted us to have each other’s back meaning, really
being supportive of one another. Working as equals. So I eventually divorced Arnie.

I had a wonderful friendship with a woman for many years. She lived in the Northwest and she I would call each other each week and see one
another at least once a year. We originally met at a Buddhist Retreat Center in Vt. that I lived at for 2 years. What I began to see happening and what she eventually said to me was “I’m very distrustful of people, even you, I don’t
like to reveal myself to anyone because I don’t trust anyone.” So there you go. As it was. we were friends for many years, but the friendship
became frustrating to me, because I ended up doing all of the talking, and she not wanting to reveal anything to me personally. So it was over!

Then, another love of my life and I helped one another raise 4 boys. Two were his and two were mine. The relationship lasted for a number
of years, but we both began to change, and the communication wasn’t good and it became a lot of blame between the two of us. Yuck. When I think
about it, it makes me sad, because blame does nothing good for any relationship. For awhile it worked, we did a lot of fun things together as a family,
had problems but seem to work them out and then when we couldn’t, I began to look elsewhere. Ultimately we split. I think the saddest thing for me
out of this relationship with he and his two sons was they all stopped their connection with me. It happened over time. One of my sons kept in touch
with his 2 sons, and my ex-love, but I mainly kept in touch with the kids, and my ex really didn’t want to stay connected to me any longer plus his kids just stopped
the communication. All the boys, while raising them, were creative, all went into fields where they could use their creativity–one being an artist,
one being a director of plays and teaching, one being a audio engineer and one being a digital colorist. But it all ended. And I had to say to myself
“Sherri, it’s truly over. You probably will never hear from any of them again, and you have to let it go” and I did. I did try the communication but
I was getting nowhere and I know that actions speak louder than words and it was over. I will always have a place in my heart for those 2 guys.

Now what I haven’t said is just because a friendship or love affair or marriage ends, does not mean that i stop loving the person, because I don’t. We
just grew in two different directions and it was time to part ways, but the love will always be there and I wish each and everyone I have parted
with the best for them that life has to offer.

There is also knowing the difference that you can be lovers, you can be friends, but having the ability to accept someone the way they are and
not the way you want them to be. (oy, that’s hard)!!! Yes, it can get intense, but it’s understanding when NOT to say anything and just let it go.
That’s also important in great communication. It’s also important to know when it’s your shit and not laying blame on the other person, and
in many cases, that you need to workout your own stuff in a relationship without the other person even knowing about it. It’s not their
responsibility. They have their own problems.

I believe also, after hearing the song “Say Something-I’m Giving Up On You” helped me to realize that through all of my experiences I’ve
learned a great deal about compassion. How about you? What does this song bring up for you?

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 5th, 2014 at 1:17 pm and is filed under Friends and Colleagues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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