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I Didn’t Know Sh*t About Relationships by Sherri Rosen

When I fall in love I fall hard! I become this crazy person who delights in just about everything!!! Always thinking about my lover, texting one another daily, lusty meetings,
experiencing sex everywhere, sometimes in the woods, in public places, in the back seat of a Volkswagon Van, in Prospect Park in Brooklyn, on the kitchen table, on the floor,
in the bathtub, sometimes on the bed (:), on my balcony, in the water, on the sand (that hurts-wouldn’t recommend it), on sn airplane, a threesome, and when passion takes over there’s no telling when,
where and for how long. I’ve done it with complete strangers (Erica Jong many years ago called it “The Zipless Fuck”) and of course I’ve done it with people I’ve had long term relationships, and also
having FWB (friends with benefits). I learned I was sexy, beautiful, adventurous, fun, exciting and willing to take risks. I learned that even though there have been breakups I have never stopped
loving these men.

I really thought I knew about relationships, and what I wanted, but looking back I didn’t no sh*t.!!!

At the time when I made my choices of 2 major relationships I guess I thought I was making the best choices possible. We were in love, he took care of me,
I took care of him, but I wasn’t paying attention to my value system and whether my lovers matched up with me. I believe having the same value system is most
Important in a relationship and/or marriage!!! I was very young when I had these 2 major relationships which both ended in divorce. The first relationship created 2 gorgeous
boys that I was ultimately responsible for. There was no communication when I wanted to sit down and talk about things that needed changing and my love’s refusal to go to
Couple’s Therapy. So I said to him: “You leave me with only one choice, to leave. I don’t know how long it will take me to do it but I am leaving when I feel strong enough.”
I don’t think he believed me and I certainly had my work cut out for me. I had been a stay at home mum for 6 years with my 2 boys and I now had to seek work and see what it
was like to be with other men. I did all that and then I left my husband 2 years later saying “there has got to be better life out there than this.” And I truly believed it. Many, many
years later we did become friends. I called him up one day and said “let’s be friends I no longer remember why I am mad at you.”

The next major relationship I met one year later after my split from my first husband. I had moved into a smaller apartment in the same neighborhood, not wanting to disrupt my
children with they’re schooling. Their lives had been turned upside down. I dated this man for one year, who also had 2 boys, and then we moved in together to live in Cobble
Hill, in Brooklyn, New York. At the time this neighborhood was exciting, had diversity and had not been taken over my big money and greed. It was a wonderful hood for my
children and my partner and myself. I became very active in the neighborhood and then slowly began looking at our relationship that was not working. The realization didn’t occur
until 9 years into the relationship. During that time we got married, I had a mental breakdown and was in an upscale mental hospital in NYC for one month, and when I overcame
my mental breakdown I finally began to realize that things weren’t good for he and I. He did consent to go into Couple’s Therapy. What I found out from the 6 months
we were in therapy was he was terrified of being alone and so was I. I had no self esteem and I had no self respect and I saw that he did not value himself or me. That was a shocking realization.
I was finally owning “my shit” but he wasn’t. He didn’t like the idea of us living in separate places and to begin dating, so again, the decision was made and we ended our long
term relationship.

Now I always thought that if I changed myself from the inside out that finally the man of my dreams would come into my life. Not true! I found out for me that doesn’t happen. The universe
has its own timetable and there’s no guarantees of deals to be made if you change from within? I found out that I was changing just for me! I was willing to face being alone! I was willing to look into
what I call the dragon’s mouth meaning going to the places that scare me. I hate when people say you will manifest what you desire. It’s a setup! Our culture always needs a payoff if we are going
to make a change. I hear many men and women say “now that I’ve changed I will manifest the man or woman of my dreams.” And dammit I believed it for years, but found through my own personal
experience that I still attracted the dipsh*ts and it was me and my discernment that would make the ultimate choice. The playing field on my dating has decreased. I can now tell, especially with
online dating, who’s lying, if they approach me in a dumb ass way, if I ask if it’s a current photo and they get all whiny on me or if they just want sex.

If I just wanted sex it would be so much simpler for me. This isn’t to say I would turn away from someone who totally turned me on, but I am in a different place and would love a companion with friendship, lust sex, having one another’s back, integrity and honesty.

After a while I got so disgusted with myself. I finally realized I didn’t like me and I had to do something drastic for me. This isn’t for everyone, but I walked away from a successful PR career in NYC
and went to live at a Buddhist Retreat Center for 2 years. I did meet someone up there and we did have a 5 year relationship. It was the first time for me I was involved with someone
who took his spirituality seriously. So we worked together on our relationship while living at this Buddhist Retreat Center. What better place to do it!! All our shit came up! Meaning he used
to like to hide at the retreat center and people would automatically come to me to find him and when I would see then walking towards me I would put my hands up and say “I don’t know where he’s at. I’m looking
for him too.” Don’t get me wrong, he had some wonderful qualities. He loved adventurous lovemaking, taking care of me sexually, bought me some fun gifts and we would go away together
for different days we had off from the retreat center, but the going away from the retreat center was hard. It was almost like he told himself he wasn’t supposed to have fun with me and he would be grumpy and angry for
the first part of the trip, and then all of a sudden something would come over him and he would begin to mellow out and we would have a blast, and then as we were driving back to the retreat center
he would begin to become sullen and angry and regretful blaming it all on me. This went on for 2 years at the center until I said we either go to therapy or breakup. We went to couple’s therapy
for 2 years in NYC and both of us and the therapist thought we were making headway. He even lived with me for one year, but I began to see that his mother came first before anyone else,
And when his mother’s 2nd or 3rd husband-I can’t remember, got sick, he went immediately to her side to comfort her and didn’t even know I existed. So I wasn’t playing and I broke up with
him in one of our therapy sessions. Later on down the line we did become friends.
So what i learned from this relationship is to pay attention to the red light warning signs right in the beginning and there are always plenty of them, but I would always rationalize, acquiesce, do whatever
It would take to not be alone again. So 5 years later it happened. We broke up!!!

I then began dating from the internet. I never dated so much in my life. I still had this feeling that if I changed from within a beautiful and wonderful man would showup. A beautiful man did showup and we had a beautiful shor time together, but it became clear he couldn’t sustain the intensity of our feelings for one another. He told me when he first met me “this wasn’t supposed to happen.” and he made sure it didn’t! To this day I truly realize
I didn’t know sh*t about relationships and I had bought into the BS that if I changed from within I would manifest the person of my dreams. It may happen to others but it sure hasn’t happened to me and this is my reality. I know I’m not afraid to take a risk and dive into something that I long for, I’m willing to keep my heart open and I never give up on one day this soulmate will showup, but I am not sitting at home waiting. I’m doing my thing!!!
400-Sherri Rosen RED - rectangular photo, enlarged  (400x533)

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This entry was posted on Saturday, April 18th, 2015 at 5:29 am and is filed under Industry News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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