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Online Dating? Don’t Be Afraid To Be Genuine & Be Willing To Be Alone!

I never really realized how lousy online dating is until now. Or is it that I have become so aware that I am seeing things with potential people I am dating that i’ve never paid attention to before. It’s quite astonishing to me. As a result I am alone a lot. I think the key here is I am willing to live alone and I am no longer afraid of being alone.

Perhaps in the past, I just wanted to be with someone so as not to be alone, but it isn’t worth it. I really like who I have become and I want people in my life who treat me right and respect me. Self esteem is so important, because if you don’t feel good about yourself you will take just about anyone.

Here’s a quote by Eckha

Don't Be Afraid To Be Genuine & To Be Alone

Don’t Be Afraid To Be Genuine & To Be Alone

rt Tolle I wanted to share. This quote helps me in the dating process when I do choose to go out with someone I’ve met online and have spoken to on the phone a few times and still have had a bad experience with. First the quote, then the stories:
“You have a lot of power and freedom to become free internally from external conditions. That includes other people and whatever they do and how they behave. They no longer have the power to determine your inner state of consciousness.

If you meet a person who’s rude to you, for example, your thoughts automatically are, You shouldn’t behave like that! But of course, these thoughts conflict with reality, because the person is behaving like that. [When you are observing,] you’re able to let go of those thoughts. You’ve realized the fallacy of internally arguing with what is. And you can simply be with what is in any given situation.”

So most people who contact me from these dating sites I don’t meet because I usually find out what they are like when speaking on the phone, but sometimes I don’t until I meet them in person.

One example: I spoke to this man a few times. He’s a retired social studies teacher and now plays music and his instrument is the flute. He said he wanted to send me some videos and I thought, I guess in my naiveness, that he was going to send me videos of him playing the flute. Well he did, but he sent me many more, much more than I bargained for. He sent me videos of comedians denigrating women, of a mentality ill woman on the Bart Subway In S.F. doing a seductive dance, weighing over 300 lbs., having men shouting obscenities at her and another of a woman farting. I was in shock and I wrote back to him “don’t you ever send me these kinds of videos again.” What I got back from him was an email full of hate and rage and blaming me for the way I spoke to him on the phone-meaning I was open and sometimes I say F*ck a lot. Apparently that meant to him that I was a whore and i deserved to see videos of women being denigrated. He continued to send me vitriolic emails and all I did was wish him well and told him to play great music.

Just recently another guy I met and again we spoke a few times on the phone. Seemed like a real sweetheart. Good looking, dressed nice and we decided to meet in my neighborhood at a lovely restaurant for dinner. He wanted to also go to the movies but I said let’s meet first. So we did and we were having such a great time and he asked about
going to the movies, so I looked up on my iPhone and found the latest James Bond film near me and we walked over there. The movie begins and the next thing I know his hands are all over me and I said “you are making me very uncomfortable.” He then proceeds to fall asleep and wakeup at the end of the film. I didn’t realize he fell asleep because I rebuffed his advances until we walked out of the theatre and he became quite cold to me. We walked towards my home and his car and he walked way ahead of me. Of course it hit me because I did not respond to his advances he was pissed. I tried calling the next day but all I got is VM and I left a message to call me which he never did. I then texted him the next day and wished him a lovely holiday and told him I was sorry he didn’t call back so we could speak.

Most of the year I have not dated because usually I can tell that the men just aren’t for me, and the man who I told you about who sent me the nasty and cruel emails, well I was so glad I was open, honest and direct. It brought him out right away and I knew this was not a person for me and was so glad I did not meet him in person. This last one I spoke about, from the way he spoke to me and his profile, it did not lead me to believe he just wanted a woman for sex, but he sure showed it to me when I told him he was making me very uncomfortable with his advances in the theatre and he proceeds to fall asleep.

I keep saying all it takes is one nice guy. But I don’t have a clue if he will ever come into my life. All I know is I continue to do the things I love to do and try to be very mindful with online dating, and every once in awhile I am fooled. To tell you the truth, I would much rather be alone than be with men who don’t treat me right. I had a lot of that when I was younger and truly didn’t know any better. Now I do and I am not afraid of speaking up and I am no longer afraid of being alone. I have found if fear rules my life decisions it will usually turn out bad in fact it will turnout horrible.

And again, when I don’t see through some people right away, and then I find out they are lying to me or send me hateful emails, I wish them well and I let it all go. No way I want to spend my time on this earth arguing with a complete stranger who
doesn’t really give a damn about me. And I am grateful I am open, direct and genuine. Nothing will bring out a person’s true nature faster than me being genuine. Through all this I also have found how resilient I am. I bounce back much faster from an unhappy experience, not that I want them.

Again, don’t be afraid of being genuine and don’t be afraid of being alone. I have found relationships are just as hard as being alone. No one has a “easy pass” in this lifetime.

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This entry was posted on Monday, November 30th, 2015 at 2:45 pm and is filed under Friends and Colleagues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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