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Realizing How Deeply I Loved Them–After They’ve Died by Sherri Rosen

I’ve always been one that shows my love and affection to people that I deeply care about. I’ve always felt I don’t want to wait until after they die and then be sorry I never told or showed them how much I loved them.  I don’t take that for granted.

Lately, a phenomen has happened to me with some friends dying unexpectedly over the last few years. All of the friends were young and gave so much to the world while they were here.  It’ s just recently that I feel so close to two of the people that have passed.  Actually I feel closer to them now then when they were alive and I feel their presence with me most of the time.
Looking back at their lives I was always aware of their goodness and their work they gave to the world, but when they left, their magnitude became bigger and bigger.  I want to share their first names with you. I’m speaking about Christa and Paul.  Christa was a songbird and Paul was a writer and headed our weekly writing salon.  Both folks had something in common.  They came from families that were in such turbulence.  Christa’s mother gave her away and left her at the Children’s Aid Society in NYC, told Christa “I’ll be right back” and then Christa saw her mum drive off and leave her. She was adopted by a family in California who, thank God, absolutely adored her and showed her much love.  Paul also came from a family full of negativity and turbulence, and would often speak how out of control his mother was and how his father took off and moved to England. Fortunately both of them came through although deeply scarred, giving so much love to the world and the people around them.  Paul’s writing at times was straightforward and  powerful and he describes beautifully, with few words, what he’s sharing with his readers. Paul also had these writing retreats twice a year in Montauk, LI, where you were guaranteed not only to learn but have so much fun.  Christa expressed her love in her songs that she wrote and she sang.  At one of my birthday party’s in NYC, she sang one of my favorite songs to me, that she wrote, called “Inshallah.”  Brings me to tears each time. The last experience I had of her music was for a theatrical piece I saw in Brooklyn, where she had written all of the music.  I was so proud of her.
I have also come to realize that there are some people in my life that I love very much, but there’s a distance between us. Not that it’s wrong but it happens and I may not be together with them as much as I would want to.  The time we do have together is a gift.  I believe that death brings the full connection between myself and others that we didn’t have while they were alive.
Even after Paul’s death our writing salon continues stronger than ever.  We’ve had consistency with the people within the writing salon.  I feel his presence their all the time.  At one of our Salons before Thanksgiving, the hostess asked at the end of the salon what are we grateful for.  That’s where my realization about Paul came up.  I said “I am so grateful for my friendship with Paul, us working together where he edited one of my books, and I feel his presence all the time and I feel closer to him now then I ever did before.”
I realize with many, life can get in the way and that most friends, family and lovers don’t think about how much they love someone while they are alive.  There’s a void that occurs when someone dies and a wakeup call to life’s meaning to “live your life fully because you never know what’s around the corner.”  To many that wakeup call when someone we love dies lasts a moment, but for any of us lucky enough, like myself, to continually pay attention to that wakeup call it has given me a deeper meaning to my life and added a majesty to it that I never knew that I had.
Much love to you all.
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 12th, 2018 at 3:02 pm and is filed under African American, Clients, Friends and Colleagues, publicist nyc, publicity nyc. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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